nurturing or negating

So I just read a newspaper clipping--via e-mail--sent to me by my life-long-attached-at-the-hip-friend. It was a lady who does not have kids writing into the columnist asking why her friend who has kids never has any time for her.

Why won't she call?

Why won't she e-mail me?

She went on to complain that she can get all the grocery shopping, dry-cleaning pick-up, blah blah blah, done even though she works away from the home 9 hours per day.


I have often found myself in the shoes of the senseless woman criticizing. But I criticize myself.

What do I do all day?

I wonder.

Do I foster nurturing or negativity? Compassion or criticism? Love or longing?

Do we SAHM's get so desensitized after many years of doing this all-important job that we forget who we are and forget how to be--as the king of Siam put it in "Anna and the King"--"just woman."


I love that part of the movie. King Monkut accuses Anna Leonowens of being a mother, a teacher, a widow. But never "just woman." She humphs at him but then realizes he is right.

How do we get that sense of womanhood back? When do we draw the line between mother and just "me?" For that matter, how does anyone move from the knowledge of the life they have been given, who gave them that life, who created it in the first place, and what we are meant to do with it--to the point of throwing it all away?

How many of us will be horrifically shattered because we did not truly listen to our childrens' cries for help?

I know I may hear some guffaws at my telling everyone what actually happened to my cousin, but it has caused some deep reflection in my heart and mind.

My brother, who no longer shares my religious beliefs, but desperately tries to plead his cause when opportunity comes, shocked Bro. Mo. and I the other night when he told us that it was no wonder that Matthew took his own life. He ridicules, wondering why there is such gender-separation at church meetings, and why missionaries are paired off in twos for so long. For anyone who does not have bitter resentment in their heart, it makes perfect sense. Ultimately, in the end, it is a person's choice that governs their place in the hereafter.

My cousin was a model U of U straight A student, looking forward to his mission, and an exemplar to his family and friends. My brother had a different point-of-view, stating that he was looking for attention, as he claimed he did not get that as a child. My aunt and uncle are wonderful parents, devoting much time and money to the happiness of their children.

But this has all caused me to wonder if we don't create such an expectation for our children that they feel trapped and not good enough. Do they eventually get to the point where they just tell their parents what they know they would want to hear to avoid confrontation?

It scares me to death. Am I pushing my girls away at the oh-so-tender ages they are now? Will they feel comfortable talking to me about their true concerns without fear of being judged or ridiculed? Will we just brush them off and poo-poo their troubles?

How do we show them what is expected in family, society, and church while keeping their respect, and at the same time keeping the intimacy and closeness that they so desperately crave in teen years but don't like to admit?

Oh.


But.


At.


The.


Same.


Time.


I need to keep my own identity and ensure that my girls are reminded what theirs' is.

I think I had better start saying each morning, as I slowly drop my hand after raising it to gently nudge them toward the school:


"Remember who you are and what that means."