BFF and Guy's Rules

Warning: Long post--but you will be glad you read it!

I have had some AWESOME experiences today and yesterday. I have a friend (we will call her BFF) who came to me yesterday at church and told me she had a strong feeling she should be visiting me on Mondays. And my most favorite part of all is that she was very spontaneous (just like me) and said "Can I come tomorrow?" YES! I exclaimed. I love that! I love that she was so bold, because if it was left up to me I would have procrastinated. Today was ama-za-zing! She cleaned my bathroom, took me to lunch and brought us dinner. And we talked and talked and talked. I didn't want it to stop. I love the trust we have formed just in one day. I love everything about her and always have. She used to come through my line at Safeway and then when I saw her at church when we got to our new ward, I wanted to squeal with joy. Immediately, I felt uniquely pulled to her. She has that personality that makes people want to be around her. BFF, if you are reading this, I want you to know you have touched my life in a way you may never realize. I only hope I can be the kind of friend to you that you are to me. It is remarkable how the Lord works. He sends friends to do His work in our lives. I believe you are an answer to my prayers of late.

But, as I read more of this featured blog on Mormon Mommy Blogs tonight, I came across this post. I copied her musings because I thought they were so wonderful. But in parentheses after each statement I have written my own comments. After talking with BFF today I realized how important date night is with dear husband(DH). And before you realize what has happened, your marriage can self-destruct if date night is not celebrated. A tiny piece of the relationship will chip away and the walls that hold the marriage intact will inevitably crumble, even if everything seems peachy-keen right at the moment. No one is immune from falling prey to Satan--he works the hardest on those of us that are trying so very hard to thwart him.

1. There is no prince. There is no princess. There's just two human beings, trying to be happy. (But if said male human treats said female human like a princess, and said female human treats said male human like a prince, there is nothing wrong with that. Put the well-being of your spouse above your own.)

2. If you hear a couple claim that they never disagree, it means that they're either lying or one is completely dominating the other. (And we don't believe in either lying or domination; therefore disagreements will happen.)

3. There is rarely a "right" or "wrong" way of doing anything. Just different. This is a tough one for people to get - especially with money. The husband wants to spend money on the car and the wife wants to buy the kids' clothes. Who is right? NO ONE. They are just different areas to spend on. The only wrong way is to disagree. (Money is the root of all evil. More divorces occur because of financial struggles. Don't place blame! We have become stronger and closer through all of our money struggles, especially through this latest one. Is it odd that we feel happier in times of struggle than in times of plenty--true happiness.)

4. Everything is fixable. Everything. Some problems are astronomically harder to fix, but that's what the Atonement is all about. Fixing the unfixable. (Men tend to want to fix everything. Just listen. It doesn't make sense to you but that is all we, as women want. Women, pay attention to the times you choose to vent. Not right when he gets home from work.)

5. Never try to change the other. Change yourself first and foremost. (!)

6. Never pray to marry the one you love. Pray to love the one you marry. If He can part the Red Sea, He can change your heart. (Loving the faults and weaknesses included)

7. Look for the good. You always, always find what you're looking for - especially faults. (Fault-finding is one of the easiest things to do in a marriage. It doesn't require much effort. Therefore it is NOT one of the things that will help the marriage. Marriage requires constant effort and hard work. The things that are the hardest will benefit the marriage the most, ofttimes.)

8. Communication is crucial. But before you can communicate your wants and needs, you need to know yourself. You need to know HOW you want to be loved - and how the other wants to be loved. (Like everything in a marriage, communication has its good and bad times. Right after a baby is born, communication will be vastly different, when neither of you can see straight. During times of struggle, you may have to change the way you discuss things, in order to not hurt or criticize.)

9. Sex is important. Yes, I just said that. (And I second the motion. Whole-heartedly.)

10. No one is a mind reader. I know women want the men to "just know" what they want. Guess what. THEY DON'T HAVE A CLUE UNLESS WE TELL THEM, SO HELP THEM OUT ALREADY.
You have to be unified in everything. Remember the egg. When hot water comes (and it WILL come), if you don't break the shell open, the egg will harden - and separate. Never more will the white and yolk become one. But if you break the egg open and unify - voila! The hot water (the trials and difficulties that EVERYONE passes) will solidify your relationship - and never again can you be separated. (see Guys Rules below for a funny take on this one)

11. Be friends. Have common interests and do things together. You must must MUST date - alone, without the kids. You need time to talk, too. My Man and I have a Sunday Session every Sunday at 9:00. That time is sacred. We have a notebook with our agendas in it - after a prayer, we discuss, in order: 1) spiritual experiences that week, 2) us - our relationship, 3) the kids, individually, 4) finances/budget, 5) any calendar items that week, including Family Home Evening, and 6) callings/work/house stuff. It is often my favorite time of the week. (Do what works for you. A walk in the park may be enough for some, dinner at a fancy restaurant, what others need. But do something. The money that may be spent is a completely worthwhile investment in your future.)

12. A covenant marriage includes three people - man, wife, and the Lord. Even when one spouse falters - or even both - the Lord is still capable and willing to carry the load. Basing marriage on the foundation of the Savior's love is the surest way to find joy. (Ditto!)

13. Only in celestial marriage can we really experience the true pinnacle of happiness. I know it. I've felt it. I have it. (We went to the temple for the first time in 15 months--twins had something to do with that--and I mentioned that I wanted to go for answers to prayers about what we should be doing now to improve our situation. Bro. Mo. answered "I just want to go for the peaceful feeling. And to get you to myself." AWWW! I ♥love♥ ♥love♥ ♥love♥ this man. There is nothing more beautiful than being in the celestial room with your eternal companion, getting a little glimpse of heaven.)

Ok, now for the funny part of the post. C'mon ladies--you know we are guilty of these. It is our nature.

GUYS RULES

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally,the guys'
side of the story. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now
here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules! Please note...these are all numbered "1" ON
PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about
you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not
work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to
act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for
example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea
what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you
don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as sports, comic books, or professional wrestling.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.


Bro. Mo. e-mailed this to me a while ago, but I found it funny because I am very good at doing lots of these, and some of them are so true. Yes, dear I just admitted that.