"Mom-ing" is HARD

What is it about a child making wrong choices that can turn me into the hideous witch mother? I feel that one choice, recurring, is shaping her. And instead of handling it well I blow up and inflict all kinds of crazy consequences. And those don't teach. And I withhold love. She apologizes and says "I love you" and I just laugh. I just read a story on another blog about a baby girls that passed away after only a week here on earth. And the mother talked about wishing she had relished the time she was pregnant with her if she had only known how short her time was with her. And it made me think: am I cherishing my time with my children or am I wasting it away coming down so hard on them? And I know the answer. And I hate myself for having to admit that that is my answer. I have always been that way. Blow up the little things. Overreact to everything. If I put that kind of effort into being Christ-like and charitable toward my children, maybe they would not have a reason to act out with really wrong choices. I was reading about President Monson in the Ensign this morning. His biographer was talking about how he learned to be Christ-like and charitable while growing up "in the home." What are my children learning from me? How to yell. How to throw a pity party. How to complain. I always say: "If I could have a glimpse into each of my childrens' life in their 30's or so--just one day--and know what their life choices have led them to, I would handle raising them through childhood differently." For example, if I could see their wedding day in the temple, I would lay off and not make such a huge deal out of every choice they make, or every time they talk back to me, or every fight they have with their sisters. I would talk about it instead of yelling about it, knowing that each tiny mistake is not determining their entire life. I get so upset wiht myself when I realize how forgiving Heavenly Father is with me and I am not showing that same courtesy with my own children.
More hugs. More kisses. More "I love you's." More prayers. More one-on-one time. More discussions. More family time. More love. More spirituality. More Christ in our lives.