Reflections of a mother in ZION

Crazy life. Crazy wife. Something Mom. What rhymes with life and wife and kids? Anyway....I can't stand looking at the last date I wrote a blog post. Because that was 4 mind-blown months ago!!!! Where in the world?

Reflections of a Mother in Zion; or at least trying to be :)  Many things have been going through my mind lately as I deal with the hormonal estrogen-infused mayhem that is my life with 2 pubescent daughters. Contention and screaming and crying are a WAY OF LIFE. And it doesn't help that a hormone-crazed, temper-tantrum prone Mommy is at the helm of this ship   (Shhhhh.......I didn't just admit that I am part of the problem here. )

These 2 articles/lists pertaining to motherhood and all its crazed glory (incidentally BOTH posted on "the Facebook" by one of my 3rd cousins wives whom I've never met) have gotten me pondering muchly. One is just a link--sorry, you'll have to go look at it yourself ;)

1st link  I like the one about swallowing the bath water and spitting it back in--ahhh to have THAT sort of thing be my BIGGEST worry



#2
For the days we are running on empty. For the days we just don't think we have it in us to read one more story, play one more game of Uno, wash one more round of sheets. For the days when we think everyone else has it together. For the days we're sure anyone else would do this job better.

For those days. You know the ones.

Repeat after me:

1. I shall not judge my house, my kid's summer activities or my crafting skills by Pinterest's standards.

2. I shall not measure what I've accomplished today by the loads of unfolded laundry but by the assurance of deep love I've tickled into my kids.

3. I shall say yes to blanket forts and see past the chaos to the memories we're building.

4. I shall surprise my kids with trips to get ice cream when they're already in their pajamas.

5. I shall not compare myself to other mothers but find my identity in the God who trusted me with these kids in the first place.

6. I shall remember that a messy house at peace is better than an immaculate house tied up in knots.

7. I shall play music loudly and teach my kids the joy of wildly uncoordinated dance.

8. I shall remind myself that perfect is simply a street sign at the intersection of impossible and frustration in Never Never land.

9. I shall embrace the fact that in becoming a mom I traded perfect for a house full of real.

10. I shall promise to love this body that bore these three children out loud, especially in front of my daughter.

11. I shall give my other mother friends the gift of guilt-free friendship.

12. I shall do my best to admit to my people my unfine moments.

13. I shall say sorry when sorry is necessary.

14. I pray God I shall never be too proud, angry or stubborn to ask for my children's forgiveness.

15. I shall make space in my grown-up world for goofball moments with my kids.

16. I shall love their father and make sure they know I love him.

17. I shall model kind words to kids and grown-ups alike.

18. I shall not be intimidated by the inside of my minivan this season of chip bags, goldfish crackers and discarded socks too shall pass.

19. I shall always make time to encourage new moms.

20. I shall not resent that last call for kisses and cups of water but remember instead that when I blink they'll all be in college.

... with love from one tired mother to another.

This is all Peachy-dandy-king. But my memories of having only children under the age of 5 are just that--memories. Ones which make me WISH to have those days back of wiping noses, changing diapers, wearing the same clothes I wore yesterday, and the biggest fight amongst my kiddos being who gets to play first/most/and on what. There were no "I hate you's" and "You don't care about me" and wondering when this H-E-double hockey sticks would end. 

Pray and Read scriptures as a family daily. DONE.  Family Home Evening each week. DONE. Church every Sunday. DONE. Mutual for my 12-year-old each week. DONE. Temple trips. DONE. Family time. DONE.      THIS DOES NOT MAKE IT GO AWAY!!

Ok. Ranting done. I feel I am turning away friends by my constant barrage of  "This is my plight." But there are no mommies exchanging question/answer sessions on facebook or articles with tidy little lists provided for moms of TWEENS. So I feel like I am running a race in life right now--and losing! And most days-- I Just. Don't. Wanna. Run. Anymore.

Am I the only one? Are there no other LDS moms in my same boat I can talk to that would truly understand what I am experiencing? Church is painful sometimes. It appears as though I am the only one. Other Moms put their arms around their daughters and talk happily with them and laugh. I get up and leave when she sidles up next to me to apologize for that mornings tidal wave of screaming. How do I get my relationship back with my tweens? The same one I currently have with my 5-year-old twins? You know, the one where you hover over them like a mother hen to protect them and they don't shove you away? The one where you can't wait to see them after school and hear about their day without the fear of having to solve yet another issue or reaffirm, yet again, how beautiful and smart she is despite what the kids at school said? The one where you don't have to remind her to not be so judgmental and opinionated about EVERYONE (especially her teacher. The holier-than-thou mentality is gonna bite her in the bum someday) The one where they are still innocent. 

I guess in my mind, anyone can mother babies and toddlers, because there is an endless stream of comments and advice and blog posts and articles to encourage and motivate them. But that sort of dies off when they become tweens. They grow before you can blink and the jet lag a parent experiences when THEY get to that stage and you're STILL NOT THERE---well, there is no parent boarding time for this flight. If you were not on the plane already when your child boards--GOOD LUCK.  I guess I have not transitioned very well between the two. And the difference between those two age groups is enough to knock anybody off their rocker. 

I have to chuckle at the Mom's who are posting their statuses about mothering young children and the demanding task it is. I WISH for those days again, and the next stage will make them wish for it too.

First Day of School   July 15, 2013

Isabel, Kinder
Olivia, Kinder

Emma, 7th

Abbey, 5th