Life? Check!

Was reading a blog that listed "keeping life in balance" as one of the things to do this year to make it a little easier. Balance? Right--uncheck!

How does one achieve this whole life-in-balance thing? Maybe it would be easier if depression were not an issue, or if an almost-11-month-old weren't waking up in the middle of the night again expecting to be nursed, or if we didn't live each day in constant worry that Bro. Mo.'s job will still be around.

But hey, what am I complaining about? We are healthy. We have a roof over our heads and a heater to warm us. We have stocks of food in the pantry. We have plenty of clothes to wear (thanks to the giftery of family and our unexpected Christmas elves.)

Never in the history of our sweet family's existence have those seemingly minute necessaries of life been so prominent. 2008 taught me what we truly have to be thankful for.

Balance.

I had a phone call from a friend in the ward who said to me "I need you" as she wished for me to come offer some advice on mothering twins--since I am soooo experienced. It felt good. To get out of the house, to talk to someone over the age of 10 1/2 months, to feel truly needed. I don't feel that I did anything phenomenal or fantastic, but I think the visit helped me more than it did her. Kinda like visiting teaching. Food for the mommy-stuck-at-home blues. Well, I don't always feel "stuck"; just "frozen."

Balance.

Exercise? Weight loss? Do I need it? Uhhh yeah! Do I do it? Uhhh no! Would it make me feel better about: life in general, myself, my relationships, and such? Oh my goodness, yes! So why can't I get myself off the couch in the mornings while the twins sleep? Oh! 'Cuz I'm so tired! Why am I so tired? 'Cuz I'm not exercising!

Oooh I don't like you vicious cycle!

Balance.

Balance for me includes keeping the truly important things in perspective. One of those being the safety and rearing of my precious girls. But sometimes as I watch shows like Law and Order:SVU and see the innocence of young girls destroyed, I think to myself: "Are my girls in any better of circumstance when I needlessly and mindlessly yell at them for petty little things or when I don't praise them and offer words of encouragement?" I really don't think so. So why do I still succumb to the pitiful ways I parent?

That is what I resolve to do this year. Oh blessed 2009. Wilt thou be good to us this year? Wilt thou allow me the patience to resolve to do better as a mother in Zion?

I know this will sound silly, but I am going to try to limit myself to one "raising-of-my-voice" each day. Hey, do you expect a nicotine-addict to stop cold turkey? Neither do I. And I guess, in essence, that is what I am. A negativity-addict. With all the gold and trimmings that go along with it.

I resolve to be more positive, less angry with what life has dealt me, and more patient with my girls--and Bro. Mo. Boy, have I been nit-picky with him lately. Wow.

Balance.