We all have 'em. At least I hope we do. You know how you go to church and see other mothers and think "Why can't I be more like her? Look at how effortlessly she handles her kids." Well, we don't see what goes on behind closed doors at home during the week. I find that blogging has caught on in the LDS community of SAHM's especially and I like to think it is our window to the outside world when we can't get to the phone to call a girlfriend or our Mom to vent. We read each others stories and think "I am okay. If she can get through that, I can get through my problems." Today was a day that I just wanted to kick something. Things happened with members of family that just made me plain mad and wanting to give up on doing the job (a cake) I was supposed to do for them, just to teach them a lesson. I felt taken advantage of. "Oh, Nora has nothing to do all day sitting at home. She can drop everything to get this done for us when we want it done." That is what I hear them saying or thinking about me in my mind. And some family members (one of my brothers) have said that about me recently. Well, it hurts--okay? Then that feeling escalates into feelings of inadequacy and not being enough for everyone. Then I start feeling like no one cares about me. It has been hard getting used to being home by myself with just the twins during the day. Nice at times, but lonely at times. Yeah, my summer days had their share of yelling at my older two but when it comes down to it, I miss them. One gets accustomed to the constant noise, bickering, and tattle-telling. And days are spent dreaming of peace and quiet. But for depression-prone women, quiet and times of idleness are not good. I have found myself becoming lazy and wondering what I could be doing. While when my older girls are home I clean, and cook and run errands like crazy, wishing I could make time to play more with them. Why do I do this? When you get what you want, all you do is spend your time realizing it was not what you wanted. Hmmm...
1 week ago
4 comments:
Yes, we all have these days!!! Why is it that we women, feel insufficient in everything we do? And why does everyone think "oh well, she doesn't "work" she can do it. Just because we are home and don't have an outside job doesn't mean we sit on the couch watching soap operas all day while eating bon-bons. I personally think that being a mother is a tough job in and of itself but add, chauffeur,cook, baker, nurse, maid, playmate, gardener, school tutor, music teacher, personal assistants to all those around you, etc., not to mention church callings, trying to maintain friendships, and family relationships, it is no wonder we are tired, but why do we feel the need to take on more and feel like ALL that we are doing isn't quite good enough?!?! If someone has the answer please tell me! I think you do an amazing job!! If you are able to have twins under a year and still have time to do well, anything, you are amazing, awesome and my hero!!! Don't be too hard on yourself, you are doing a great job!!!
yeah I hear ya! Specially about being home with a baby (or two) it's way lonely! I was just saying the other day that Preston better start talking soon or I'm gonna loose it! haha I know I know it's very far away. I spend most of my days without even getting ready. I just think "what's the freakin point!" I'm only with my baby getting spit, poop, and other miscellaneous things on me and I feel like getting ready is just not on my priority list anymore. I hate when I feel like I have had a "full day" and have accomplished so much and at the end of the day I look around and think "what did I do exactly?" and Bill says "we need to clean the house" whatever! I have become what Oprah calls a shlumpadinka. Just hang around in jamies all day. I think you are so amazing how you can take care of four kids...2 babiea!! Don't let them put you down! Sorry, I just vented on your blog..haha
I sooooo know the feeling. To cure myself I make a list of every single thing I want to accomplish, from doing dishes to getting a shower. From vacuuming to making dinner. I may not cross it all off but to be able to see everything I have done in a day with a big line through it is rewarding. I like to leave it somewhere where hubby can see it. He hasn't asked me the dreaded question in months. So what did you do today honey???
I am right there with you. I know what you mean. What even makes it worst is that sometimes it is hard to get up the motivation to clean something during the day that will not stay clean long. It seems like I just get the living room clean and someone takes of there shoes or brings in a pile of toys.
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